Ah, the life of a sports writer. What better to do on a Thursday night in college than watch the NFL Draft? I’m always astonished how an event so boring gets so much attention. Watching this makes me almost want to study for exams. Here’s a little insight into my Thursday night.

8:00 p.m.: Just turned on the TV, already sick of hearing Mel Kiper talk. With the first overall pick, the Colts selected Andrew Luck, the quarterback from Stanford. The Redskins then went on to pick quarterback Robert Griffin III from Baylor. In other news, fire is hot and water is wet.

8:30ish: With the third overall pick, the Cleveland Browns drafted Trent Richardson, the running back from Alabama.

Two minutes later: Trent Richardson retires from the NFL.

9:05: When did ESPN decide it would be a good idea to put Mel Kiper and Chris Berman together? Do they want viewers? And speaking of viewers, who would actually want to go to the draft? You just sit around and watch Roger Goodell give awkwardly long hugs to a bunch of 20-year-old kids he doesn’t know.

9:30: I have heard the first “J-E-T-S Jets Jets Jets” cheer of the night. The NFL Draft notoriously always has lots of Jets fans in attendance, probably because this is the only day the entire year they get to be optimistic. But, Tim Tebow will save their season? Right? Maybe?

9:32: And with that, the Tim Tebow discussion has started. Let the nightly battle with the mute button begin. The Jets drafted Quinton Coples, a defensive end out of North Carolina. Now two of sport’s most obnoxious fan bases are linked. Phenomenal.

9:45: The Cincinnati Bengals are on the clock, so naturally I change the channel to the NHL playoffs, but not before I hear John Gruden say “swagga.” That sure was awkward.

10: Am I the only one who thinks that Bud Light commercials are genius? It’s just a non-stop party. They never try and talk about how their beer tastes, or give you gimmicks. They know their consumers don’t really care about either.

10:05: I just watched a trailer for GI Joe 2 staring Channing Tatum, The Rock, and Bruce Willis, set to the sound of some overwhelming dub-step. My testosterone levels may be at an all-time high.

10:10: My team, the New England Patriots, traded up to take Chandler Jones, a defensive end from Syracuse. The Cleveland Browns then went on to take 28-year old QB Brandon Weeden. There is an old guy joke in there somewhere, but I am too tired/bored to figure it out.

10:30: I wonder who the ad companies are catering to tonight. So far I’ve seen Bud Light twice, Bojangles twice, Cadillac once, a very provocative GoDaddy.com commercial, and one commercial with a talking seal.

10:45: Why haven’t I seen Mel Kiper and Todd McShay’s 2016 mock draft yet? Lock it up, ESPN. I’ve also noticed that the deeper we get into the draft, the shorter Roger Goodell’s hugs last. Interesting.

10:50: Is John Cusack really the best pick to play Edgar Allen Poe in a horror movie? Really? And how come no one has talked about Mark Walburg doing “Contraband?” A tough lawbreaker/family man with something to prove? That was a huge step outside of his comfort zone.

11: Half an hour left. I no longer recognize any of these players. I can’t decide if I want to make a run to Bojangles or if the half-full bag of Cape Cod chips will do as a snack.

11:20: ….. Ten….. more….. minutes.

11:30: I went with the chips. Goodnight.