Much praise has already been heaped on Deborah Harkness’ debut novel, “A Discovery of Witches.” Popular website Amazon.com labeled it as their book of the month for February. But is this novel worthy of the praise it has received?

The story begins at the Bodleian Library in Oxford where witch Diana Bishop stumbles upon a strange manuscript known as Ashmole 784. Once she comes in contact with it, a mysterious vampire Matthew Clarimont and various other creatures track her down to find out her connection to the manuscript.

The beginning shows some promise. I was actually quite pleased that there were other things like witches and daemons hanging about. It has an almost fantastical, Potter-ish appeal. Then, the reader reaches a point where he or she realizes that a cool premise can only go so far. As the pages turn, readers are soon treated to bland descriptions of Diana running or rowing or perusing the library. The pacing is poor; there’s no sense of urgency and several chapters could be taken out without affecting the story at all. Supposedly, the manuscript is sought out by many creatures, yet Diana and Matthew have time for a nice yoga session with other creatures. It is also never explained why more than one creature can’t hang out together. Diana says that it will attract humans to their presence, but how? Is there some sort of magical aura surrounding them? Just because you write a fantasy novel doesn’t mean that you can skip over certain explanations, Harkness.

Unfortunately for the reader, Diana is reluctant to use her witch powers, but it’s unclear why. Supposedly, she doesn’t want to use them due to some tragic past event. It’s frustrating that when she’s encountered with danger, she cowers and asks for help rather use her powers. As the book is narrated in her point of view, it’s grating listening to her thoughts.

Her vampire companion, Matthew, not only competes for the most boring character in literature, but he also makes a lousy excuse for a vampire. Some critics have panned this as “Twilight with scholars.” Don’t be fooled; this is “Twilight” in a pretty blue cover that takes place in a university instead of high school. The vampires can live in sunlight, have no fangs (why?), and apparently have an interest in yoga, tea and wine. When did vampires start becoming caricatures of aristocrats? Diana nails it into our head that she’s a strong woman, yet she cowers in front of Matthew and begs him to help her. In the beginning she can’t stand him, yet she wants to spend time with him. It’s also disgusting how Matthew feels the need to protect Diana when she doesn’t ask for it, yet it’s seen as normal behavior rather than imposing. A scene where Matthew watches Diana sleep is disturbing. I’m at a loss as how anyone could think that’s romantic.

Harkness also decides to treat the reader like an idiot. She foreshadows to death that Matthew and Diana will get together with maddeningly stupid cliché lines. Matthew and Diana both insist that they don’t have an interest in each other; Diana even makes a bet with a co-worker that he won’t ask her out. Right, because scenes like that have only been seen in every book and movie ever. Besides the fact that she constantly repeats what Matthew smells like — cinnamon and cloves — she also repeats the contrast of Diana and Matthew’s temperature when they touch. We get it. He’s cold and dead and probably a zombie disguised as a vampire to make him seem more attractive. 

Pages and pages are devoted to awful dialogue between the two. It’s about as lively as two gentlemen in top hats, drinking a glass of wine in front of a fireplace as they discuss the importance of Darwin’s evolutionary theory. There were three pages devoted to discussing what kind of tea they enjoyed. In the span of 100 pages, the plot barely moves. Just because you can write a long novel doesn’t mean you should, especially if, during the course of that 500 page monster, nothing happens.

It’s really sad to see “A Discovery of Witches” being labeled as competent literature. Boring characters, bland descriptions and pages and pages of nothing happening makes this a candidate for worst book of 2011. I’m not sure what the other critics were reading when they gave praise, but it wasn’t the same book I was reading. The inside jacket advertises that this is the first in a trilogy, no doubt trying to capitalize on the same market that “Twilight” did. I only have this to say: please, no, make it stop.