SATIRE: Fun date ideas for you and your boo—according to a person with no expertise


Darius Melton

The entrance to Randall Library on Feb. 12, 2020. Randall may not have a poetry night, but what is stopping you from reading sonnets and snapping anyway?

Jenna Tripp, Contributing Writer

Today we will be focusing on everyone’s favorite polarizing holiday other than Thanksgiving: Valentine’s Day! This is a time to celebrate love or to provide the opportunity to spark a new love affair. Let’s look deeper into some of the best date ideas for a first date or another night out with your boo, according to a person with no background in event planning. Ravishing!

Ice Skating

Here is something we can all agree on. Ice skating is the most elegant and graceful dance but on ice. This date idea is a fantastic way to show off some of your grace and elegance through the power of the blade. This could be misconstrued as me telling you to engage in a Samurai sword fight, but trust me when I say ice skating is your best bet. Arrive around 4:30 p.m., just in time for the delicious dinner of frozen hot dogs and watered-down hot cocoa. This will not only show them you are very flexible in your food taste, but also give them a sense of how powerful you are because you can digest it. You are not like the others. On the ice, you can show them the tricks of the trade like your classic move called the “Baby Deer,” where you pretend these are the first steps you have ever taken. This will show them a sense of vulnerability and connection to nature. Classy! This date is guaranteed to bring a smile to your love’s face.

The Tire Repair Shop

What isbetter than a date that ends in rubber? Enough said.

Poetry Night at Your Local Library

Time for some late-night fun in paradise. If you love talking, shouting and snapping, then this might be the pick for you. The remarkable thing about this venue is that you always seem to find your middle school music teacher somewhere in the crowd. Go sit with her! Your date will love the nostalgia mixed with the scent of coffee and oat milk. You can also read them the sonnet you have been writing about them for 15 weeks. You have three pages already, not to flex or anything.

The Club

Any club will work for this idea. THE club, book club, archery club, you name it. Take your boo to your favorite club and introduce your friends! Or pick a new club that you have never been to before and watch the sparks fly! People love a first date at “the club.” What’s that? You cannot hear your boo speak, plus you are listening to the 29-minute remix of that one Taio Cruz song? Heavenly. It will surely bring you two together like a moth to a flame. How poetic. Think about apple picking club, for instance. The apple of your eye can watch while you show off your incredible muscles. The ideas are simply endless!

Your Cousin Delia’s 50th

Finally, what could be better than introducing your new boo to your distant relatives while you stand around and eat your mom’s pot roast? I do not know why more people do not do this. It is like a party where you slightly know everyone, so it could never be uncomfortable. Toss in Aunt Betty’s cat, Feline Joe, hissing at the front door for entertainment! What a treat he is! You just float around the party filling up on hors d’oeuvres (but you know how to say it) and impress them with an embarrassing story about working on Grandpa’s farm as a child. This is good for any type of date. It works well whether it is your first or your last!

Whether it is on the dance floor or on your mom’s couch, I hope every one of you has a great Valentine’s Day. If this helped, let me know how it went and if they dumped you!