Ask Polly

Dear Polly,

My slutty roommate has been seeing this mysterious older man since school started. All she ever talks about are the things he buys her but no one had ever seen him. My friends and I were convinced that he didn’t exist until last week: a group of us drove down to Myrtle Beach for a concert, and when we walked in, we saw Ami at the bar…with my Dad’s hand on her knee! We ran out of the bar so they didn’t see us, but now, I don’t know what to do. I can’t live with her. I don’t think I want my Dad to know I know. But maybe I should tell my mom? I have to go home for my mother’s birthday next weekend. What do I do?

Disgusted

Dear Disgusted,

There are several things you can do here. Make flyers with your roommate’s picture and the word SLUT and plaster them all over town. Or be sure your father is within earshot and casually let it slip to you mother that you’re roommate thinks she’s pregnant AND has an STD (make it a nasty one).

Or (and this is my advice) you can dream up nasty things to do to them both while working on getting another roommate. If you live in the dorms, insist on moving, and if housing tells you you’ll have to wait (there’s no rooms, it’s against the rules) tell them the story. And don’t be embarrassed; you haven’t done anything wrong.

If that doesn’t work, or if you live off campus, tell your roommate and your parents that you just don’t feel like it’s working out, and find a new place. Leases can be wriggled out of, and someone else will take your space. But it is not healthy for you to live with the woman that your father is cheating on your mother with.

As for whether to tell your mother or not, you need to remember that their relationship is their relationship, and she may not want to know. Or she may already know, and you knowing will just humiliate her more. Instead, confront your father, and insist that he get tested to be sure he’s not passing STDs on to your mother. After that, never speak of it again unless you are behind a closed door with your therapist. And definitely get one of those.