Facebook Just Got Way Too Scary

Staff Opinon

This Information Age sure is a beauty, ain’t it?

Facebook.com unveiled its new mini-feed and news feed system, bringing the information right to your homepage.

Simply by logging on to your account, you can now find that three of your friends became single last week, three are enjoying some hash browns at Waffle House, and one dressed in a duck suit and rolled around in a baby pool full of mayonnaise while listening to “Final Countdown” by Europe.

Not only does it tell you that your friends updated their profiles, but it says they removed “playing pogs” from their interests. Yippee! That vital piece of information should really make your day. That person is definitely not invited to any birthday parties.

Oh yeah, and about 200 people joined a group along the lines of “Facebook just got way too scary.”

The idea of centralizing the goings-on of one’s social network seems like a very good idea in theory, but the wheels definitely came off somewhere along the line.

Without having to hunt all the information down, how are the weirdoes going to pass the extra two hours they get every day? Ah yes, Dungeons and Dragons is still around.

The first day it launched, surely someone was pretty surprised after getting a call from their significant other along the lines of, “What the crap did you write on her wall?!”

Hold on, someone just changed his status to being “up on what’s poppin.” Sorry, I’m waiting to find out where someone who isn’t answering my calls is going today.

You can’t forget to acknowledge the one beautiful thing that came from the mini-feed. If it weren’t for the new layout, a guy by the name of Brody Ruckus in Georgia would never have gotten the required 100,000 members in his group. Thanks to mini-feed, the group is hovering around the 200,000 mark five days later.

After a couple days of unrest, Facebook Creator Mark Zuckerberg posted an open letter and allowed users to turn their mini-feeds on or off.

Luckily for Mark, he averted a potential crisis with a slew of members boycotting for a day. That could have gotten ugly. He could have just lost like, two percent of his members … for a day.

The bottom line is that Zuckerberg can do whatever he wants, because people aren’t going to walk away from Facebook over things like this. It’s way too addictive, and it has way too many positive uses. Luckily, Zuckerberg gave in and didn’t test his power.

With Facebook slightly back to normal, everyone can sleep easier. Or whatever else their status updates say.