Advice from Sally Seahawk

Sally Seahawk, Staff Writer

How do you approach a close friend when you just found out they’ve been lying to you about EVERYTHING for months and months?

It is never easy learning that someone you care about has lied to you. Confronting them about it can absolutely be challenging, especially with all of the emotions involved. My first suggestion is to go into this conversation as calmly as possible. Make sure you listen to what they have to say and try to not be blinded by anger. While it is completely okay to be angry and hurt, sometimes that can be hard to overlook when you are working through a situation like this.

I also recommend giving yourself enough time to process the information this person gives you when you confront them. If they are a close friend it could be hard to regain trust in them, which is never good for any type of relationship. They might have a good reason for lying to you but in my experience, even if the intentions are pure, lying does nothing but hurt others. It is normal to feel hurt and betrayed when you discover you have been lied to.

Another good way to deal with this situation is to use “I” statements. I have mentioned this in the past but it truly works for all situations. It is pretty simple, just explain to your friend how you feel about what they did using phrases like “I felt hurt when you lied to me”. It makes it very clear how you are feeling and what about the situation bothered you. However, make sure you give them room to explain themselves and their feelings also.

My boyfriend and I have been talking about moving in together. My friends seem to think it is a bad idea. I am also a little nervous about this step. What should I do?

Moving in with your significant other can be a scary thing. It can be a real test of a relationship to share the same living space at all times. It also can be a really great way to better a relationship as it will help you learn more about each other in terms of lifestyle. Moving in together can also bring you closer as a couple. It is okay to be nervous but if you are really ready to make that step together should also feel excited.

In regards to your friends, they should support you in your relationship. While they always have your best interest at heart only you truly know what you are ready for. Offering their support and advice is the best thing they can do for you right now. Regardless of what you and your boyfriend decide, they should back you up and be willing to help you along the way.

It is a major step in a relationship to move in with your partner. It can mean a lot more time together and I always suggest creating boundaries. Boundaries are not a bad thing by any means, it simply just allows for you to have time to yourself and for your partner to get some alone time as well. Just because they are at home, does not mean you also have to be. If you want an hour to yourself to relax and do something on your own, your partner needs to be respectful of your space and “quiet time”. That can be one of the hardest lessons to learn when moving in with your significant other but it is an important one.

One of my professors and I do not “click” very well. They are nice and everything but I find them hard to understand. I’m worried I won’t do well in this class because of it. 

My first major suggestion would be to visit your professor during office hours. When I have struggled with similar problems I have always tried approaching my professor first. Most of the time they are more than happy to sit down and help you out. It is part of their job to help you understand especially if you are having a hard time with the material. They might be able to explain the topic to you in a different way to help you better understand. Sometimes it is also easier to grasp something when it is explained in a more one-on-one setting.

If you go to office hours and still are having a hard time, I recommend visiting UNCW’s tutoring services on campus. The writing center and math lab are both very helpful. If your class does not fall under either of those categories, you could also start a study group in your class. I bet you are not the only one having a hard time and it is always easier to work things out in a group rather than alone.

I also suggest telling your professor you are having a hard time understanding the material. They might know of tutoring resources or students willing to tutor you who have done well in the class before. Everyone teaches and learns differently which can sometimes be conflicting but it never hurts to ask for help.