The former editor of The Onion wrapped wisdom inside humor during the first speaker series event of the year in the Burney Center on Tuesday. Scott Dickers, comedy writer and co-founder of The Onion, began his speech with his story and the beginning of the satirical newspaper, and ended it with “Five Nuggets of Wisdom” for being successful in life.

“First, live your mission,” Dikkers began. He advised to do what you love, regardless of how much money it will make you.

“Second, invest your time, not your money.” By spending all of your time on something, you can make it great without risking losing everything.

“Third, be prepared to scrap everything.” If it’s not working, find another way to funnel your passion. 

“Fourth, trust your people.” Give your staffers the longest leash possible and they’ll work harder.

“Fifth, don’t work hard, don’t work smart, but work right.” Someone has already done what you want to do, so find out how they did it and copy them.

Dikkers found comedy as an outlet for his frustrations during an unhappy childhood. He came from Baptist parents with no sense of humor and was bullied throughout high school. When he was in 3rd grade, he decided to kill himself by holding his breath until he died. 

“Which, in retrospect, is pretty hilarious,” Dikkers said.

Inspired by Mad Magazine, he spent years receiving rejection after rejection before finally publishing a book of comics called “Jim’s Journal” which in turn inspired Jeff Kinney to write “Diary of a Wimpy Kid.” After his comic success, two local college kids approached him in his town of Madison, Wis. to start a comedy magazine – which soon became a comedy newspaper due to how cheap newsprint is.

Dikkers stepped into the role of editor after the first few issues and later bought it for $3,000, which was all the money he had. He hired minimum wage workers who he described as bitter and having no prospects, which produced the kind of dark humor Dikkers himself relied on to cope throughout his early years. He said that at one point, all the writers for The Onion were on prescription antidepressants.

“We did not search high and low for our writers. We just searched low,” Dikkers said.

Soon, Dikkers and his team began getting into legal trouble. The governor of Wisconsin threatened to sue after the paper printed the headline “Governor Declares November Masturbation Month.” They got their lawyer, Ken, after he was hired to “sue them out of existence” for reproducing a photo of Ginger Rogers in an ad and ended up enjoying what they were producing.

Eight years after The Onion was founded it became the first comedy website and essentially gained national fame overnight. After so many years of obscurity, the team was excited about the recognition.

“It was like getting a blowjob from 500 angels,” Dikkers said

At this time, while the newspaper was transitioning to web content and raising the writers’ salary, Dikkers had no income and ended up living on friends’ couches. He remembers specifically how surreal it was for him to be on the Conan O’Brien talk show while being homeless. He said it was the happiest time in his life. 

The Onion soon began producing video content, which confused people who believed they were reporting real news. Chinese newspapers were re-printing Onion articles verbatim, and the Make-A-Wish Foundation had to put on their website that they were not bankrupt due to one child wishing for “unlimited wishes.”

Dikkers shared his comedic formula for the kind of humor The Onion created.

“Comfort the afflicted, afflict the comforted,” he said. “Get perilously close to targeting the wrong person.” And, if all else fails, “Just throw in an f-bomb.”

He stepped down as editor-in-chief in 1999 and remained on as co-owner. The company sold to businessman David Schafer in 2003. Dikkers created The Onion News Network and returned to publication in 2012 when it moved to Chicago. He is no longer with The Onion but continues to write comedy books. His most recent book “Trump’s America: The Complete Loser’s Guide” focuses on the 2016 presidential election, which is all he thinks about.

“It’s like watching a train wreck in slow-motion,” Dikkers said.

The event itself was a complete success, with not only students but also faculty and members of the community coming out to enjoy the self-made speaker.