IHas anyone tried to walk from the library to the union in the past week or so? Holy cow, there’s a huge gaping hole in the Earth and it takes forever to walk around it. Thanks to all of the heavy construction, a short, almost enjoyable walk has been turned into a grueling marathon that many of us have to endure on a daily basis.

To make matters worse, the parking lot at the union has been drastically reduced in size. This means that a large number of parking spaces are gone now, further increasing students’ step-per-day ratio. By the time all of this construction is over, we’re going to be the thinnest university in the state just because of all the friggin’ walking!

Which brings me to my point (that right, kiddies, contrary to popular belief, I do have a point week after week): do we really need all of these expansions?

Don’t get me wrong; I’m totally up for a ton of new stuff, but is the university really spending money in the right places?

I believe that a few months ago, I read in this very publication that UNCW was spending $30 million on the new union (a.k.a.: the reason for all the exercise). For $30 million, that place better have crystal chandeliers and furniture equipped with electric fart-snatchers. I can think of a ton of things that I would rather see on campus than another union.

First of all, what’s wrong with the union that we have now? Are we really that desperate for space? It didn’t seem that cramped last time I was in there.

Second of all, what the hell is a union? Is it a convening place for students to “hang” or “chill”, because I thought that was what the Warwick Center was. Is a place to grab a bite to eat? Because I thought those were called cafeterias.

If there are millions of dollars to be thrown around, how about a parking deck? All jokes aside, parking is the one topic that somehow comes up in discussion in every single class I take here. I swear, next semester, if I hear somebody say ‘You know, they really need to do something about the parking situation,’ I just might snap.

To prevent this from happening, the university just put up a parking deck! You can probably get a pretty nice one for a few million bucks, and the school would still have a ton of money left over so they can have a brand new spot to sell discount movie tickets and cab fares.

I can’t really say that I’m too optimistic about a solution to the parking problem, seeing has how the university probably makes as much off parking tickets every year as they do off student fees. It looks like we’re going to have to keep walking. But look on the bright side: they might finish up that killer new union by the time you graduate!

Extra special thanks to Rhonda Aldridge for coming up with the headline. I couldn’t have said it better myself (obviously).