Remember me, kiddies? I know it’s been a while since we last met. You must understand I have had a lot on my plate, what with the end of the semester and all. To add insult to injury, I have been getting a lot of negative feedback in lieu of my absence. I know all of you think that I have an easy job here at the Seahawk, but let me tell you: it is hell. Here’s a look at the life of a hotshot college newspaper reporter.

First, Linnie, who fancies herself some kind of “editor”, gives me assignments. Since she has this title, she gives me stories, and all these guidelines to follow. It’s a drag.

For instance, a few weeks ago, she forced me into writing a story about new music coming out this holiday season. I was like: “Linnie, I know absolutely nothing about music; I don’t even listen to the stuff.”

“Don’t be crazy,” she answers. “If people don’t like your stories, it’s probably because they don’t get the genius of your vision.”

So, I made the excruciatingly long and painful walk around the construction to the library (yes, it’s still a thorn in my side, but I have lost five pounds and counting) to do some research. You see I am not in touch with all of this trendy music people are talking about like Ray Lamontagne or My Morning Jacket. I say, give me a Nirvana T-shirt and a Bon Jovi Box Set and call me a music critic!

Honestly, half of the time, I know nothing about what I write. I have no knowledge of music, and up until that Holiday Music story, nobody noticed! Too little, too late as I have been assigned the music beat for next semester. Despite the opposition, I have risen to the top and will soon conquer the newspaper with the aide of my “expertise.” I will triumph over the world, and nobody will be able to do anything about it! Let the takeover begin!