The hype was huge. The advertising was extreme. The TV guest spots and Internet pop-ups were excessive. The opening weekend box office gross for “Snakes On A Plane,” however, was less than impressive. The New Line Cinema film, estimated to earn around $30 million, ranked in just over half that with $15.2. So why did it fail? Well, I’m no Ebert, but in my totally unprofessional opinion here are a few ways I would have saved “Snakes On A Plane.” (WARNING: review contains spoilers.)

There is only one reason why people, including myself, want to see “S.O.A.P.”; we want to see Samuel L. Jackson kick some reptile butt 30,000 feet in the air. So, why add in all these sub storylines? Cut the, “We must locate the one and only snake expert, who can find the right antidote for snake poison just in time for the plane to land” subplot as well as the horribly acted storyline with the man in control tower. He is trying to guide a non-pilot flying a double-decker plane full of venomous snakes and never once breaks a sweat – let alone show any emotion. Cut it all and lets just see Jackson blow stuff up and say some hokey one-liners, such as, “Enough is enough! I have had it with these (expletive deleted) snakes on this (expletive deleted) plane!”

Plot lines weren’t the only cuts that needed to be made here; there were so many characters that had no point yet took up far too much screen time. The rapper and his entourage were just annoying (especially with a name like “Three Gs”). The angry Brit, with a grudge against the world, was so blatantly added just to be killed off that it was actually a relief to finally see him eaten alive. And who were these actors any way?

My guess is New Line must have spent so much time and money advertising the movie that they forgot to cast it. Being in quiet a bind to fill all these one-dimensional supporting characters, the studio heads ran into every restaurant in North Hollywood and cast every waiter/actor they could find. Not including Julianna Margulies, David Koechner and Rachel Blanchard, I would have recast every supporting character with some recognizable C or D-list celebrities, just to add some names to the billing that we may recognize. I’m thinking, “Prison Break’s” Wentworth Miller, “White Chick’s” Brittany Daniel and “The OC’s” Adam Brody. Or even throw some reality TV stars aboard like Simon Cowell, Nicole Richie or Tyra Banks. There you go – beautiful faces worth seeing thrown into a snake pit.

Finally, stay simple. Cash in on two of people’s greatest fears: snakes and flying. Start the action early and keep it going for an hour and a half. Give me fire arms! Give me Samuel! Give me snakes!

Granted the movie has a lot of flaws, but it’s not completely unfortunate. It’s fun and campy. Think “Bring It On,” “Charlie’s Angels” or “Final Destination.” It’s 155 minutes of fluffy action with a few thrills. Let’s just hope there isn’t a sequel. “Snakes on a Boat?” That would bite.