“Life is a series of hellos and goodbyes. I’m afraid it’s time for a goodbye again.” Billy Joel.

I can’t believe this is it. After four years of Hollywoodizing UNCW with the latest pop culture trends, it’s time to write my last column ever. It’s kind of sad, but it’s even harder to figure out what to leave with my loyal readers. So, I decided, as your favorite columnist, to give you the confessions of a Pop Culture Prince:

Chapstick is the key to life. Always have it on hand. No one wants to kiss someone with dry lips. Guys: Shave after you shower. Ladies: Lip gloss and smoky eyes are hot; caked-on makeup is not. Both: Replace hair gel with leave-in conditioner.

The first thing someone looks at is your eyes. Then, they look at your teeth. If you don’t have gorgeous eyes, you better take damn good care of your teeth. Teeth are the key to success.

Used coffee grinds are an amazing body exfoliant that also gives you a tan look and also burns body fat. Look it up.

Don’t bite your nails. It shows insecurity, and it’s gross.

If you are going to be stranded on a desert island, bring these three things: your cell phone, chapstick and a photographer.

There is no reason to be nervous in front of a crowd. Think they all love you, and even if they don’t, you will still hold your head higher and appear totally relaxed (even if you are about to wet yourself).

If you can’t think of something to say when someone asks you a question, just smile your best smile, and everyone will forget the question.

Making it through the day looking stylish is a lot better than just making it through the day. If you see people starting to dress like you, take it as a compliment because everyone knows you did it first. If they don’t, remind them.

Make bold fashion statements; it’s an attention-getter and makes you stand out. If anyone dares to question your ensemble, just say, “It’s big in LA.”

Wear sunglasses all the time. Big ones. Dark ones. Repeat: Wear them all the time.

When going to a party, arrive at 11 p.m. Be sure to wear something you haven’t been photographed in before. Arrive with a few friends, but not too many or you’ll get lost in the crowd. Pause at the door so everyone looks at you, then proceed to hug everyone who approaches you and pose for every picture. Note: Practice posing.

Never talk about working out or politics at a party. It’s boring, and it limits dating opportunities.

Be sure to throw a party at least once a year, but be sure it’s about you. Throw yourself a birthday party or throw your friend a surprise party. Either way, you’ll be in every photo.

Dream big. Set high goals. Never look down. Always carry a mirror. There is no reason to be ordinary if you can be extraordinary.

Keep in touch with high school friends, but your college friends will last forever. One is silver; the other is gold.

These college years are the best of times. Mistakes will be made. Hearts will be broken. Lessons will be learned. But, they will all become fond memories. Be quick to forget the bad, but grow from your mistakes.

The best friends you will ever have are the ones that can tell something is wrong without you telling them. A true friend will listen to you complain about your problems before he or she complains to you about his or hers. You’ll know a true friend when sitting together in silence is comfortable. I have made the greatest friends here at UNCW. I love them more than anything. You will, too.

In closing, I want to sum up everything I have preached to you about over the past four years with a quote from the wise philosopher, Paris Hilton: “All you have to do in life is go out with your friends, party, have fun and look twice as good as that bitch standing next to you.”

I’d like to thank my staff and fellow editors for four great years at the Seahawk. I’d also like to thank all my loyal readers for making my column the success that it is and for never taking me too seriously. And, finally, a special thanks to my teammates on the UNCW swimming and diving team, my coaches, Mom and Dad, my professors, 379, the glamorous AG, my bests (Mags, Tim, Red, Eric, Kel, Steph, Mr.Grey, Mel and Wisty), that kid and to all who I don’t have space to thank, but you know who you are. Love you all and remember, “That’s hott.”