Sexy Seahawks

James Edmonds | Contributing Writer

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UNCW football sounds like it would be a great way to spend a Saturday in Wilmington. I won’t deny that tailgating would be great, and that it would be an absolute blast to deck myself out in teal every weekend and make myself hoarse cheering on the Seahawks, even when we get blown out by visiting opponents. There is something I think would be much better though.

 UNCW needs a Lingerie Football League team. There aren’t many things I’d rather do on a Saturday afternoon than watch some of our incredibly attractive campus co-eds face off against the Las Vegas Sin, or the Chicago Bliss. A start-up football team would not do very well in Division I. It takes a long time to accrue enough talent to build a competitive roster, but we already have an abundance of gorgeous girls on campus.

“I definitely support the idea of an all women’s football league, so I would go to the games.” said one UNCW female junior who wishes to remain anonymous. Despite her thoughts, a lot of women on campus might find this idea distasteful. The LFL doesn’t degrade women, though; they empower women. The LFL says, “hey young, attractive, impressionable women! We’d like to take you in and profit off of you, uh, I mean, profit with you. You can prove to the world that you can be beautiful and strong as a woman, and make some cash to pay off school loans as well!” (Purely imagined dialogue. No representative of the LFL has ever actually said that to my knowledge.)

It would be such a huge finance generator for the athletic program as well. Any girl who has ever dressed as a risqué football player for Halloween can tell you that every single game would sell out. It would draw a huge male audience, as well as plenty of friends and family members of the athletes. “Sure, I would go to the games,” says Senior Nicole Gravez, “An LFL team would be a good way to encourage school spirit.” The tailgating thing could still happen, and we’d be the first D-I lingerie football team. We could compete against the pros until other schools followed our lead. By that time we’d already be a powerhouse. It would be a factor for high school seniors making their college decisions as well.

I really don’t see a downside. Win or lose, everyone at the Sexy Seahawks (what else would they be called?) games would have a blast.