To My Song Bird

Savanna Shackleford | Contributing Writer

Dear Songbird,

You said “being sick is not sexy.” You said “the aesthetic of the unhealthy should not be glorified or glamorized.” You said “empathy is deserved, but idolization is distortive and destructive.” You said you were starting a war. I see a war that has been going on for far too long. A war where one side is frozen in time – not given the compassion it deserves. Everyone else keeps moving. Frozen becomes invisible; it becomes glass. But where is the balance? You told me once that there is no balance. Finding balance in an eternal earthquake is like trying to hit a bullseye while you swim: impossible. The thing is though, imbalance is inevitable. The leveler is always just a little bit to the right, but it makes for great jewelry. You told me once about addiction. You said that it was a part of life, something that everyone has. You can be addicted to drugs, or alcohol, or love, or even self-harm. It is easy to become extreme with one’s addictions, especially addictions that are encouraged like academics and exercise.

No one should feel ashamed about being addicted to something, especially an addiction associated with an eating disorder. You explained that the disorder works in excess and surplus, that it can be associated with a manifestation of anxiety, depression or OCD. However, if we waste energy judging the particular manifestation of our anxiety or anger or depression, then we end up forgetting to examine the true source. There is a misconception that males and females look at themselves in the mirror and hate what they see, hence the eating disorder. That may be true in some cases, but maybe it is also about the fundamental thought of, as you put it, proprioception, or the way one’s body moves through space. Or maybe it is about making the best mold of yourself. It is easy for people to reduce something they don’t understand to an empty definition. Sometimes it is hard to understand your existence around others, sometimes it is hard to captain your own sailboat. I think we have all felt that at some point.

Eating disorders, like other addictions, come in many hidden faces. Anorexics don’t look like ‘glossy models’, the same way that alcoholics can still be doctors. Most addictive behaviors are rooted in the same causes, like OCD or other fixations. However, you said eating disorders, specifically, deal with two of the most basic human reward systems: self identity and hunger cues. So everyone’s addiction is manifested differently. For anorexics, for example, OCD and the pleasure of eating are the addiction. You said by limiting that pleasure, they feel above the necessity to eat. Many people have experienced some sort of disordered eating in their lifetime and are completely unaware of it.

Being aware of people going through this crisis of self identity is a key to understanding the effects of addiction and its impact on our world. Roughly 25 percent of college students report having an eating disorder over the course of their four years in college. 8 percent of those kids are male. These high percentages prove that there is a serious need for specialty health programs on college campuses and even in middle schools and high schools. The ignorance of the population deteriorates the beauty of life and only supports the ever growing misconception that one life might matter over another.

It isn’t just a problem faced by a small fraction of the population; addiction is everywhere. I can guarantee you that someone associated with you, in your family or even you yourself are suffering from addiction. It can be really comforting to be ignorant about other people’s issues and disorders. I am constantly surrounded by students and even adults who are so insensitive about eating disorders. They don’t understand that things like the overwhelming feeling I get when my room isn’t clean, like someone is yelling at me inside my head, is just as real, but may seem insignificant. They think it is easy to make fun of the disease than even begin to imagine its destruction. What we need is human compassion.

One of my best friends suffers from this type of addiction. She is my inspiration. All of the wisdom she has bestowed upon me about her condition is apparent throughout this article. Songbird, I love you and I hope that I, as well as the rest of the world, can be more aware of what addiction really is.

Love,

Your Mockingjay