Q: How do I ask someone who is “out of my league?”
A: I want to start by challenging how you look at this. The “out of your league” mentality is a mental barrier. If you are looking at it from a strictly looks perspective, which most people do, there is so much more to people than what you see on the outside. Try to dig deeper, know what your strengths are and go for it.
As far as asking them out, I would start by developing a friendship first. This way you develop a connection where you are truly getting to know each other. Start by asking to study together or grabbing a coffee. From there, when you feel the timing is right, you could ask to go on an official date. Whether you are a female or male, every person can appreciate effort being made to get to know them better on the inside.
Looks are great, but like my mom always says, “looks fade eventually.” It’s better to start any relationship off with a friendship and build from there. This also eliminates that awkward first date scenario where there is a lot of small talk. You’ll be able to enjoy the date a lot more with having an established friendship first.
Q: I can only have sex when I’m inebriated. I don’t know why this is, but it’s just like I lose all the stress or fear I have about it. But now I’m in a serious relationship and would like to be intimate with my partner without being under the influence. But I’ve never actually had sober sex, and I’m scared to try because I’ll overthink it and it won’t be enjoyable for me or my partner. How do I get over this fear?
A: I’ve heard from my friends about having a similar fear, so you are not alone. Now that you’re in a serious relationship, you already have an established connection with another person where strong feelings are established. This makes the transition into sober sex a lot easier.
Relationships are about having an open line of communication. You could start by having an honest conversation about your physical and emotional attraction to your partner (in a respectful and meaningful way, of course). This could lead into why you’re hesitant about sex. Odds are, your partner will have some anxiety about it as well. Opening up to your partner is no easy task, but a committed relationship should be a safe place to be somewhat vulnerable.
Use sex to further express your deep feelings for your partner and appreciate your partner. Chances are your insecurities will fall away over time.
Q: I have to work through college, so I find that I miss a lot of study sessions and extra credit opportunities for some classes. Do you have any suggestions as to what I can do about that since I can’t reduce my hours or quit?
A: I commend you for working so hard during school. Few can keep up with both work and being a student.
The best suggestion I can give to be as organized as possible. You should start by looking at your work and school schedule and immediately blocking off that time. From there, look at your available time. Make sure everything you need to do has a specific time blocked off. Start with eating, homework, working out, etc. Even resting and self-care can be specifically blocked off in your schedule.
I know this may come off as tedious, but if you start off by putting in the effort in effectively managing your time, it will pay off. Eventually it will become habit. You’ll know what you need to do each hour of the day.
If you know there is a study session or extra credit session coming up, plan ahead for that if possible. Most extra credit opportunities are planned, so if there is a shift you can switch around, do so if extra credit is important to you.